Want to Keep Those Resolutions? Focus on Gratitude, Self-Compassion, and Pride
According to Forbes, nearly 80% of people admit to abandoning their New Year’s resolutions by February every year. What if we’re going about goal-reaching in the wrong way? Are we setting ourselves up for failure from the get-go? Can emotions such as gratitude and compassion lead to better self-control and thus better outcomes?
Isn’t self-control what we desire when it comes to helping us reach goals? Turning down the second helping of ice cream, putting more money in our 401k rather than signing up for the latest subscription service, cooking more at home rather than eating out are all examples of exercising self-control. So how do we tap into our self-control? It turns out that gratitude, compassion and pride may be more important than qualities we typically think of, such as willpower and perseverance as a path to self-control.
Olga Khazan, author of the article “Better Than Willpower” from The Atlantic, states:
“When we feel grateful, compassionate toward ourselves and others, and proud of our abilities, the struggle to work hard for future rewards becomes, well, less of a struggle.”
It certainly doesn’t hurt to try this approach. After all, when people rely on willpower alone, they don’t get very far. In fact, the more we tell ourselves not to do something, the more we can’t stop thinking about doing it. Flip the narrative. Your end goal can stay the same but try cultivating gratitude, compassion, and pride to achieve it.
How does this work? In Emotional Success, Northeastern University psychology professor David DeSteno describes the origins of self-control as a necessary element to survival as cooperative relationships were (and still are) crucial. Because cooperation often involves sacrificing something in the moment for a better outcome in the future, it helps foster self-control. Practicing cooperative emotions and social exchange help build the skill of valuing the future over the present[CZ1] . “These emotions ease the way to self-control because you’re not fighting a desire, you’re changing what you desire in the first place.”
Gratitude: Taking time out of our day to recognize small moments of gratitude can significantly impact our overall well-being. People who have higher levels of gratitude tend to have greater self-control. There’s a reason gratitude journals are so popular.
Compassion: If we practice mindfulness, we can find stillness and allow ourselves to be self-compassionate, even when we make mistakes. When we put ourselves in another person’s shoes, we experience compassion for others. Both are critical and contagious.
Pride: When others view us as particularly good at something, we naturally tend to improve upon that skill. We feel valued and know that our contributions, big or small, matter. It’s important to be proud of yourself at every step of your journey. Focusing on small victories leads to achieving your bigger goals in the end.
In general, people who cultivate these emotions form meaningful relationships. These relationships create a supportive community, which we know is imperative to achieving our goals. Most people can’t find success alone; we need and want others. Additionally, when we attach emotions to the future, we think about how actions we take today will make us feel in the future. Consistently thinking about our future selves and the future of our communities will lead to successful outcomes in the long run. And remember that there is a “long run.”
It is our experience that combining the tools of gratitude, self-compassion, and pride while implementing others, such as keeping a money diary or finding an accountability partner, will help us reach our financial goals. Ultimately, the guiding principle is putting the future ahead of the present and thinking in terms of community in order to achieve the success we desire.
